


do you remember?

by lovesickcalum



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Sad, surprise i don't know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:08:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesickcalum/pseuds/lovesickcalum
Summary: remembering a relationship can either make you feel on top of the world or like all its weight is on your shoulders. it happens to be the latter for michael.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Sorry for any spelling errors x

Michael remembers how he would go out to smoke a cigarette every night at 9:45 and stay out for 15 minutes, and be back at exactly 10:00 pm so he and Luke could watch a movie until they fell asleep.

Michael remembers how Luke used to complain about how he would taste like smoke when they kiss and how his clothes would always smell like cigarettes.

Michael remembers how Luke always nagged him about what smoking can do to both of them and how he would carelessly shake his head, saying that it would never happen. 

Michael remembers when he woke up at 3:45 am on a Sunday morning to the sound of Luke coughing and coughing and not being able to stop.

Michael remembers how this continued for days and days but Luke just waved a hand and claimed he had a scratchy throat.

Michael remembers when one night, Luke grasped his arm and shook his sleeping figure with all his might as he made the worst wheezing sounds, barely being able to get air into his lungs.

Michael remembers how scared Luke looked on the ambulance ride, a oxygen mask around his head and how his body convulsed with every breath he took.

Michael remembers how Luke explained to the doctor everything he had been feeling the past few weeks, and how Luke sent him an apologetic look.

Michael remembers how Luke repeatedly apologized for not telling him and how he just nodded, ignoring most of the apologies that came out of the blonde boy's mouth.

Michael remembers how Luke collapsed into his arms, sobbing heavily when the doctor gave him the results.

Michael remembers how that evening instead of going out to smoke a cigarette, he comforted Luke an extra 15 minutes.

Michael remembers waiting until Luke was asleep, staying up at 4:30 am and researching everything he could under the search, "non small-cell lung cancer."

Michael remembers how nervous Luke was walking into the hospital just a few weeks after his diagnosis, ready to be cured.

Michael remembers driving Luke home after his first chemotherapy session, too tired and weak to even hold up his own head.

Michael remembers how Luke would wake up in the wee hours of the morning, his body shaking with harsh coughs, or how sometimes he'd rush to the bathroom and kneel down, emptying the contents in his stomach.

Michael remembers how easily Luke would bruise, lightly hitting himself in the edge of a table by accident, or how he would wince when his bones were aching.

Michael remembers Luke would lay in bed for days, without eating or showering simply because he was too tired.

Michael remembers he would have to talk softer, almost in a whisper so he wouldn't give Luke a headache, or how he noticed Luke's weight slowly began to drop.

Michael remembers when he would lay in bed, Luke pulled into his side and talk about the stupidest things just to keep Luke awake and assure himself he was still breathing.

Michael remembers the night they were casually watching some reruns when Luke's coughing fits started again, this time, blood dripping into Luke's hand with every cough.

Michael remembers staying with Luke, holding his hand through the hospital bed rail for days, gently threading his fingers through his hair and singing the youngest asleep.

Michael remembers the day the doctors told them it'd be better for Luke to stay, pulling him aside to tell him they knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

Michael remembers sliding down the white hospital walls and angrily crying, for being so stupid and not listening when people screamed at him to stop.

Michael remembers how every morning he woke up, the first thing he did was look up at Luke's heart monitor to make sure it wasn't a flat line.

Michael remembers how skinny and pale Luke's became, his ribs jutting out awkwardly, anyone being able to count every vertebrate in his spine.

Michael remembered how he would slowly walk up and down the hall with Luke, being assisted by a walker, being too weak to walk on his own.

Michael remembers how Luke soon wasn't able to get out of bed and remained in bed, only being forced up and held by nurses who had to change his bed sheets.

Michael remembers how much Luke would talk about him moving on once he was gone and all he wanted was for him to be happy.

Michael remembers the way he relentlessly shook his head and repeated himself that, no, he wouldn't be happy without him. He couldn't. 

Michael remembers how sick Luke got at one point, having to have a breathing tube shoved down his throat, and barely moving.

Michael remembers how he held Luke's bony hand tightly, the other having no energy to squeeze back.

Michael remembers the day it happened.

Michael remembers being woken up by an annoying beeping, his eyes flying open and looking at Luke's monitor, seeing the flat line starting.

Michae remembers pressing the nurse button repeatedly, leaning over and pulling Luke in his shaking arms, fat tears rolling down his cheeks and falling onto Luke's porcelain skin.

Michael remembers how he screamed and thrashed around as the nurses tried to pry him away from Luke, as a steady beep was heard all around. 

Michael remembers arriving at his, no, their, apartment and slamming the door so hard that the walls shook.

Michael remembers laying in bed, the sheets pulled up to his chin and losing track of time, not knowing what day it was.

Michael remembers glancing around the room and looking back on all the memories they had created during the years, smiling for the first time in weeks when his eyes landed on the photo sitting on his nightstand, Michael looking at Luke with so much love and adoration in his eyes as he holds Luke, whose eyes are squeezed together in laughter, a grin on his face.

Michael remembers slowly starting to pack Luke's stuff, folding them neatly and making sure nothing got mixed up.

Michael remembers how one morning he woke up, put on a black suit and managed to put effort into looking half decent for the first time in weeks. 

Michael remembers standing next to Luke's mum as the priest read a prayer, looking down at the bracelets adorning his wrist, playing with the one Luke bought for him on their first year anniversary, 'I love you.' engraved on the inside of the metal bracelet.

Michael remembers giving his speech, much longer then the others, keeping a straight face throughout the whole thing.

"“I wanted a love that inspires, consumes. A love so fierce that it feels like you are burning up in the other person’s embrace and yet, somehow, their kiss is cool relief. A love that makes little kids stop and stare, hoping that they can have a love like ours one day. A love that makes the older couple in the back booth of the diner take pause because they remember what a love like our feels like in the early days. A love I can take to my grave. A love that keeps me warm when you are away. That's what I had and will still continue to have for Luke. After all this time of wondering I finally figured out what love is. Love is the feeling you get when you see the the little things you absolutely adore about someone. I loved everything about Luke."

Michael remembers how he walked into the grass, looking at Luke's peaceful complexion one more time before the casket was closed.

Michael remembers everyone leaving flowers-daisies, sunflowers, petunias, tulips. Noone left roses.

Michael remembers waiting until everyone was gone, resting a bouquet of white roses against the tombstone, kneeling in front.

Michael remembers letting everything go, sobbing and shaking, he reread the words engraved, his eyes watering every time.

Michael remembers how he left his cigarette pack leaning against the roses, rubbing his thumb over Luke's name.

Michael remembers everything Luke ever taught him.

Michael remembers how Luke taught him it was okay to be vulnerable.

Micha remembers how Luke taught him that it was okay to be scared.

Michael remembers how Luke taught him that it was okay to be different.

Michael remembers how Luke taught him what love is.

Michael remembers how Luke taught him how to love.


End file.
